Ralph Zuranski: Hi, this is Ralph:
Zuranski, creator of the in search of heroes program;
I’m interviewing Craig: Garber today, the King Of Copy.
He was a protégé of Gary Halbert for about six months,
and is probably the hardest working man in internet
copywriting and offline copywriting for a lot of
business people that are looking for the best and are
wanting a fair price, Craig: how are you doing today?
Craig Garber: Great Ralph:, thanks
it’s real nice to be here and real good to be talking to
you.
Ralph Zuranski: I appreciate the
opportunity to interview you, I wanted to ask you a
couple of questions, what is your definition of heroism?
Craig Garber: The definition of
heroism, well to me it’s someone who makes life better
either by eliminating some of the existing pain your
going through or by giving someone a chance to enhance
their life in some way, shape, or form. An unexpected
opportunity also.
Ralph Zuranski: What is your
perspective on goodness, ethics and moral behavior?
Craig Garber: Goodness, ethics, and
moral behavior. Well, I guess to me the definition of
integrity is doing the right thing when no one’s
looking, if you know what I’m saying, so if you maintain
your level of integrity, that covers all of it.
Ralph Zuranski: What principles are
you willing to sacrifice your life for?
Craig Garber: That’s a good
question, I think that’s the kind of question that is
really easy to answer on the surface because it’s easy
to say ‘well I’d give My life for this’ or ‘I’d give my
life for that.’ But I think when your pressed up
against the wall in real life situations I don’t think
the knee-jerk answer you’d have is the reality.
Craig Garber: I think if your
pressed up in a situation like this that people who do
sacrifice their lives for things, they’re probably not
the things that they would’ve imagined they’d be
sacrificing their life for. Whether it’s to jump in
front of a complete stranger and push him out of the way
of a car or something like that that you end up
sacrificing your life for.
Craig Garber: I think it’s those
things you wind up sacrificing your life for. So as far
as principals I think that it would be really hard for
me to tell you what I would sacrifice my life for, I
would say without a doubt that, unquestionably I would
always sacrifice my life for my wife and kids, to
protect them and keep them safe. So that’s the only
realistic answer that I can give you.
Ralph Zuranski: So you’d say that
it’s sort of a moment by moment thing, so you’re saying
that if somebody’s in danger of being run over by a car
or somebody’s in a burning house it would be hard to do
it at that time, like a lot of people look at heroes as
firemen and soldiers and stuff that are actually being
paid to do those types of things, and I think that this
person is a much greater hero if they’re not being paid
to do a job, but actually you’re willing to sacrifice
your life in a moment to save the lives of others.
Craig Garber: Yeah, I think that
people who sacrifice their life, most of the time don’t
go into something thinking that, Okay, I know I’m going
to sacrifice my life for this. So, that’s kind of a
hard question to answer, I think about 9/11 for
example. I think in that situation that a lot of the
firemen and the cops, and the guys who ran in there,
they probably had a conscious level of awareness of, I’m
probably going to be sacrificing my life to do this.
Craig Garber: But that situation
doesn’t happen to often, when it’s, ‘I know I’m going to
be giving my life up for this cause.’ I think you do
things that are important to you and, Hey, Who knows
what the outcome of anything is going to be, what
actions are going to be taken.
Ralph Zuranski: Yeah, I think that
those guys are real heroes because you can just walk off
the job, to have the courage to basically go in and know
that that may be your last day on Earth, I think that
that is real heroism. That’s the same with our troops.
Craig Garber: Absolutely, that’s
balls.
Ralph Zuranski: Yeah, so did you
have a dream or a vision that set the course of your
life?
Craig Garber: I did, but I guess I
had two different, you know as you age and evolve or
should I say mature instead of age, as you mature, your
vision, and what’s important to you changes. That has
evolved like that for myself as well. I guess when I
was younger my dream or vision was just to get the hell
out of where I was.
Craig Garber: I had a pretty
miserable childhood, I guess. I just wanted to get out
of where I was. I grew up in a violent and abusive
household with a lower income, you know, you see the
projects on T.V. in New York City that’s where I grew up
in, the Bronx, that’s where I grew up. I didn’t know
the rosy side of the world. I had a sense that better
stuff existed out there, but I was never exposed to it,
but people will often say, how can these guys in the
ghetto be holding people up and be so violent, that’s
all they know. They don’t know that if I work hard and I
study, that I can go out and make a million dollars.
Craig Garber: No, all they know is
that they live in poverty, my mother lived in poverty,
my mother’s mother lived in poverty, and my kids will
live in poverty. So they’re programmed for all that
negative stuff, so I was programmed for that, but in the
back of my head I knew that my dream or vision at that
time was to get the hell out of that place.
Craig Garber: I didn’t know how to
do it, I didn’t know what it looked like, didn’t know
where it was but I knew I had to do it, and I knew
that’s what I wanted.
Ralph Zuranski: You know that’s
interesting because the scope of the in search of heroes
program is to give those people in the communities that
you grew up in hope, that they can compete with the
profits in drugs and in crime by marketing the products
in their local community on the internet or just come up
with products on their own.
Craig Garber: There’s a huge need
for that, no doubt about that, if you can reach out and
change some lives, you really will be changing the
course of the world for these people, because there is a
shortage of hope in places like that, I know there was
in my neighborhood, in my house, and you know there
still is for the rest of my family, I was just
fortunate.
Ralph Zuranski: How did you become
an optimist? Because, to be able to get out of that
situation you had to actually have a positive view of
the future and you could change your life.
Craig Garber: I have no idea, I
don’t know, I thank God every day to tell you the truth.
Craig Garber: I just beat the odds,
I really don’t know how I became an optimist, I think
how I became an optimist was I had faith in me. I knew
I was better than where I was living. Not that I was a
better person than the people that were living there,
but that I could do better.
Craig Garber: I just didn’t know
what was out there, I had to know what better looked
like, so that was the pain and the growth process for me
was how to act in better, how to act when your in
better, what does that mean.
Craig Garber: The other thing was I
realized how little I knew and I always sought out
information, I realized the importance of information.
I was schooled in everything what “not to do”, which is
a valuable lesson, but I had know idea what “to” do.
Ralph Zuranski: Well, obviously it
took a lot of courage to pursue new ideas, because most
people are trapped in the place where there at for fear
of doing anything new, or disrupting their peer group
that they hang around with.
Craig Garber: Well, in a way I had
it easy that way because I’m a risk taker and I’m at the
bottom, so what if I fail at this, where am I gonna’
go? There’s no way that I can be worse off than I am
now.
Craig Garber: You know, there’s no
way that things can be worse than they are now. If I
screw up, then just go on to the next thing and maybe
that’ll screw up, so you know I think in a way from the
fear of failure, you know some people are to lazy to
take action, that stuff never bothered me because I had
always known that there’s only up. It may not work, but
you know I probably couldn’t get further down.
Ralph Zuranski: So you were willing
to experience discomfort in pursuit of your dreams?
Craig Garber: Oh yeah, Look you have
to, you know everybody sees the end result of people,
you know, ‘you’re a success, you’re this, you’re that.’
It’s like a band, these guys came out of nowhere, you
don’t know the ten years of sleeping in vans, and laying
in vomit in hotel rooms with fifteen other guys. You
have to be willing to sacrifice a little bit, it’s a
misnomer and it’s something that people don’t want to
believe, but nobody has it easy. Everybody’s had a
struggle, some people have to struggle more than others,
some have to struggle a lot more than others, but there
are very, very few people that are actually given
something.
Ralph Zuranski: How important to
you, was it to believe that eventually your dreams would
turn into reality?
Craig Garber: I had to, I had no
choice, what was my choice? The pain of living in the
reality I was, was much greater than the pain of these
setbacks on the road ahead. It was easier to go with
these wacky thoughts going through my head. I thought,
I was put on this Earth to do something a lot better
than where I am now, I don’t know what that something
is, I don’t know what it’ll be, I don’t know what it
will look like, but let me go and find it.
I always believed that.
Ralph Zuranski: You’re paralyzed by
doubts and fears and they just won’t let up, most people
are afraid and that fear keeps them from being
successful. How were you able to overcome your doubts
and fears?
Craig Garber: Look, I still have
fears when I do things, but they’re not fears of
failure. Like I said that I’ve never had fears of
failure. In fact to be perfectly honest with you, I
struggled for years and years with fear of success,
again because of that programming I had as a kid, that
failure, that scarcity mentality, that failure
programming, and you know what happens is every time
you’re about to embark on a new adventure that can turn
out positive that old dodgy, rusty tape recorder in the
back of your head flips that play switch.
Craig Garber: Flips that negative
programming play switch in your head, and it spills that
garbage out. So, you have to know, and it takes place
now once in a while, but now I’m aware of it, now I’m
aware of what’s going on, now that it’s just, I think
Steven Pressfield said in the book I don’t know if
you’ve read it, “The War Of Art”, he said that’s just
resistance coming up, but now I’m aware of it, again as
supposedly I’m a mature adult guy and I can talk myself
through it, acknowledge it, and recognize it, and I
think to some extent it might be healthy because it
keeps me hungry.
Ralph Zuranski: Yeah, yeah, I
understand that.
Craig Garber: And also the other
thing is I’d be lying if I didn’t say my wife had a
really big role in this, because there were times I did
want to give up, she stuck with me and said Craig: I
don’t want you doing this, I don’t want you giving up,
I’m willing to hang in no matter how desperate or no
matter how bad times get, I’m willing to hang in there
as long as you will.
Craig Garber: I want to you to do
this I believe in you, I know what you can do, and so
quite often, there were times where I did want to give
up and fold up when things weren’t going well in
business.
Craig Garber: I said God, I don’t
know if I can do this anymore, what a loser I’d be if I
didn’t at least try. She deserves this, at least. That
got me through a lot of tough times to be honest with
you.
Ralph Zuranski: So, she’s the one
that gave you the will power to change the things in
your life to make it better ?
Craig Garber: My wife has been a
real strong catalyst for change in my life, and I think
we’ve done that with each other, we’ve been real lucky.
Craig Garber: I’m one of those one
in ten jillion people that actually finds a soul mate, I
mean I like hanging out with my life, I mean she’s my
best friend, she’s always my first choice of people to
hang out with, she’s been a tremendous influence of me,
and support of me, my cheering section.
Craig Garber: She’s a strong woman
too, because I’m the kind of guy, I’m a pretty strong
personality, when I’m down I need someone to be there
for me. She’s always done that, and I think we’ve done
that for each other.
Ralph Zuranski: Yeah, I feel the
same way about my wife also. She won’t let you get over
on any of your you know what.
Craig Garber: Yeah, I mean look you
know, it’s good, if you get something like that, you
truly are blessed, you’ve hit the lotto.
Ralph Zuranski: Yeah, that’s the
truth in relationships and I’m sure this is true in your
relationship also. How important is it to forgive those
who upset and oppose you ?
Craig Garber: It’s very important,
but I got to be honest with you for me very few people
upset, offend, and oppose me. As long as I’ve got my
wife and kids, there’s really nothing outside of that
nobody can really rub me the wrong way that I’m going to
be all up and on them about anything.
Craig Garber: Look, in business
sometimes people accommodate you and sometimes they
don’t, that’s just business, I don’t take any of that
stuff personally. You just figure out another way to do
things, or you work around it or you work with someone
else. You got to compromise to, you know that’s part of
life, you don’t get everything you want, you got to
compromise.
Ralph Zuranski: Do you experience
service to others as a source of personal joy?
Craig Garber: Yeah man I love
helping others, I don’t just like helping people out, I
like showing people that they could do things that they
thought they couldn’t. Like when it
comes to marketing for example people call me and we’ll
have consults, you know they say, I’ve given up, I can’t
do this, this, and this. Sometimes it’s a real simple
answer, have you ever thought changing x, y, and z.
Craig Garber: Or, change your
headline, it really puts a spin on it, you see the light
go on in peoples lives then. You see them walking
around their house and the shades are drawn, and the
windows are taped up, and all of a sudden, boom! It’s
sunny like it is here in Florida, the windows are open,
it’s bright, the house smells good all of a sudden, so
yeah I love doing stuff like that.
Ralph Zuranski: How important is it
to contain a sense of humor in the face of serious
problems, because you know that everybody has serious
problems in their lives and, how important is humor in
that?
Craig Garber: It’s tremendously
important, I mean, people who know me well, know me, I
love to cut up and crack jokes at people, I do it with
my kids, I do it with my wife, sometimes when you’re
down in the skids, that’s the only thing that gets you
through, poke fun at your situation and, I think the
other thing that gets you through is having a high
energy level.
Craig Garber: A can-do attitude, a
humor, and a high energy level, that’s the kind of thing
that gets you through.
Ralph Zuranski: We know your wife’s
a hero in your life, who are some of the other people
that you consider a hero in your life?
Craig Garber: Other people that are
heroes in my life... My older son is probably one of my
heroes, he had to deal with some stuff when he was a kid
that certainly wasn’t fair, I say that he shouldn’t hae
had to deal with it, and he did, how he handled himself,
I’m real proud of all my kids, but he’s taught me a lot,
and he communicates real well, he tells me ‘Dad your
screwing up’, you know, I respect that he’s a together
neat kid.
Craig Garber: Like you said, my
wife’s a hero of mine, and she’s definitely been a
guiding light for me and has been a huge catalyst for
change. That’s probably about it, as far as that goes.
Craig Garber: If I use my definition
of heroes, to some extent Gary Halbert was a bit of a
hero of mine, he came in and gave me the confidence, he
took me under his wing and gave me the confidence,
switched what I was doing, I owned a financial planning
business for 9 years, he told me that I was the greatest
copy writer he’d ever met.
Craig Garber: That wasn’t a
testimonial, he sent me that after I did a couple of
jobs I did for him, I thought he was winding me up, I
thought he was giving me a bunch of crap. I called him
up and I said I got this e-mail from you, and he said
‘yeah, I meant every word.’ That gave me the confidence
to make a change in my life and so I could live the
lifestyle that I wanted which was for me, was spending
more time with my wife and kids.
Ralph Zuranski: That’s really great
so those people have made and continue to make a
positive difference in your life.
Craig Garber: Yeah, well I’ll tell
you what there’s another guy that, again going by my
definition of heroism, is someone who’s unselfishly
given from himself, a client of mine, this guy came to
me about six or eight months ago, a guy named Chet
Roland, you might have heard of him he’s a, Dan
Kennedy’s always talking about him.
Craig Garber: Anyway he lives down
here. He’s a client of mine, and he’s turned out to be,
using that definition of a hero, he’s a hero, he’s
promoted me, and just so influential in my career with a
lot of other things, and a lot of prominent information
marketers, and he’s just a great guy to be around, he’s
just inspirational, he’s a high energy guy like me, and
just a good guy to be around, so I’d have to say Chet’s
you know not only a friend, but to some extent using
that definition of heroism, a hero as ell.
Ralph Zuranski: That’s great, who do
you feel the real hero is in our society today?
Craig Garber: Okay, the real heroes
are not Oprah and Doctor Phil, not that they don’t do
heroic things. To me I think the real heroes are good
parents.
Ralph Zuranski: I do to.
Craig Garber: See, there’s a big
difference, Ralph:, and as a parent I know this, it’s
not easy.
Craig Garber: There’s a huge
difference between giving your kids things and giving
your kids a sense of independence, the sense of
responsibility, and being able to hit the pause button,
if you want to call it that, whenever they need to of
things going on right then and there and help teach them
a life lesson.
Ralph Zuranski: Boy, that’s so
important.
Craig Garber: Yeah those are the
real heroes, the little, the people doing those little
random acts of kindness in your life, especially when
they’re being consistent with your kids. Those are the
true heroes.
Ralph Zuranski: That is so true.
So, why are heroes so important in the lives of young
people?
Craig Garber: Well, like I reference
myself when you don’t have a guide post when you don’t
have someone you can model yourself after, I think a lot
of people have role models, but they’re not comfortable
with them, like me.
Craig Garber: You sort of feel like
a sailboat out in the middle of the ocean, without a
sail, you’re just going along with the waves, and
you’re just trying to figure out what’s going on trying
to figure out what is what. So if a child can get an
anchor and someone to help them steer their lives,
they’re going to grow much quicker, they’re going to be
much more successful people, much earlier, and therefore
they can contribute positively to themselves and other
peoples lives in their world.
Ralph Zuranski: Why do you think
that heroes like the moms, and the dads, and the
grandpas, and the grandmas, and the coaches, and the
teachers, and the spiritual leaders, that they’re not
getting the recognitions that they deserve today?
Craig Garber: You don’t want to see
them on the T.V.
Ralph Zuranski: I would, I’d like to
see it.
Craig Garber: I’d like to see it to,
but it won’t sell.
Ralph Zuranski: Why do you think
that is? One of the great people I interviewed, Gregory
Allen Williams, was a cop on Baywatch, he said that ‘If
it bleeds it leads’.
Craig Garber: Yeah, right, it will
sell as a tail end of a show, tonight’s closing story we
have grandma Essy, who is 97 years old and takes care of
fifteen kids. Yeah, I think that’s too mundane and
people discount it. I think that people don’t
acknowledge that that’s the way the world goes round.
Whether you have different opinions, or similar
opinions, but that’s the thing that makes the world a
great place to live in. It’s to mundane, people want to
see sensational stuff. They’re not going to stop and
consider stuff like that.
Ralph Zuranski: Do you think that
people’s emotions are so jaded that they need one
catastrophe, after another catastrophe just to feel
stimulated?
Craig Garber: I think people are
busy, I think that people are so caught up in their
lives, we talked before about taking action, most people
don’t want to take action. I think that the hustle and
bustle of today’s world is so draining on most people
that not only do they not have time for other people,
but that they don’t have time for themselves, few people
take time out during the day to sort of do something for
themselves, do something good for themselves, read a
book, I mean watching T.V. is not good for you. So, I
just think that people are too involved in their lives.
Ralph Zuranski: Watching the shows
on T.V. puts fear into a lot of people’s lives, and it’s
a fear that they absolutely cannot overcome, why do you
think that people have such an addiction to T.V.? I
know that some people watch it 40, 50 hours a week.
Craig Garber: I have no idea; I
watch 2 hours of T.V. personally, that’s a lot. But,
it’s escape, again most people, I think Thoreau said
most men lead lives of quiet consternation, quiet
desperation, and I think that’s true.
Craig Garber: People want to escape,
it’s nice to turn to T.V., and imagine, I mean I can’t
believe these reality shows, it cracks me up, I see USA
TODAY everyday, who got thrown off American Idol or
something like that, and to me how you can be
preoccupied by other peoples lives that have nothing to
do with you, it’s funny, not funny but people do lead
lives of desperation.
Craig Garber: Too many bills, not
enough money to pay it, to much on their plate,
schedules are hectic, too many kids, blah, blah, blah.
And so hey, I get to watch hot half-dressed women on
T.V. or I get to see how someone’s new car is getting
pimped, you know.
Ralph Zuranski: How do people become
heroes? From your definition.
Craig Garber: Giving hope to
others. You introduce hope into other peoples lives,
and sometimes, you know where I grew up it was hard to
be a hero.
Craig Garber: You’ve got to attract
those people to you, you can’t go and seek them out
because, looking at marketing, you’re talking to an
audience that’s not interested. The people who want
hope, you’ve got to put that out there and let people
come to you, because it’s hard to find people who have
hope in those areas.
Ralph Zuranski: You know I’ve been
on the internet for the past three years, taking photos
of all the seminars, of all the speakers doing their
power points, and just to see what kind of people they
are and to see who would help out the heroes program.
I’m finding out who has followed through with their
promises. How does it feel to be recognized on the
internet as a hero, because you’re following through in
a big way?
Craig Garber: Well, I’m flattered, I
really appreciate it. The good thing is, I don’t know
what it’s going to do for my life. That’s the beauty of
life, and I’m ready for the adventure, I’m ready to find
out. Then contribute what I can, and something will
come out of it in some way, shape, or form.
Ralph Zuranski: Why do you think you
were selected for this unique honor?
Craig Garber: I was thinking about
that Ralph:, I met you and we talked real briefly, I
would suspect either we had good chemistry, or you saw
something in me, or I my voice, or the way I held open
the door for somebody, or something in my body language
that said “hey I think this is somebody that I might
want to get with to help me with this good cause”. I
don’t know, why was I selected Ralph:?
Ralph Zuranski: You were selected
because you volunteered to help, you heard what the
program was, to recognize moms and dads, and the people
that don’t get the recognition that they deserve, and
the impact that they make on the lives of their kids and
other people in the community, just by offering, and
following through, and that was the reason why I gave
you this unique honor, you are a person that follows
through, you are a person with integrity, and you do
respond to my e-mails, you wanted to give your best on
this interview, and you want to do it even when you’re
tired, you are a person that should be recognized as a
hero, you do love your family, you do love your kids.
You work hard for your family, you take care of your
body. That’s the example that I would like to hold up
as a role model for young people. You are actually
making the world a better place.
Craig Garber: Well I don’t blush too
easily but I’m blushing now, and I really appreciate all
those things you said. I’m just doing my thing you
know, doing what I can to make this little world a
better place.
Ralph Zuranski: Well, I know that
you’ve been through a lot in your life, and I know that
you’re from the projects, and there is always problems
facing society. How do you have or do you have any
ideas on how to get rid of the problems in the society?
Craig Garber: Okay, well I probably
have some thoughts on that, but they’re going to be hard
to do.
Craig Garber: Number 1, people have
got to start taking responsibility for their own
actions. It’s so easy to write sales copy, you know,
“it’s not your fault”. It’s kind of a funny drop back
amongst copywriters. “It’s not your fault”, but it is
your fault, it is 100% your fault man.
Craig Garber: The sooner you take
responsibility, the sooner your life’s going to become
better, in everything. “It’s not my fault that I have a
low paying job, it’s not my fault that I’m late paying
my bills.” So, the first thing, is taking
responsibility.
Craig Garber: The second thing to
deal with some of those problems, child abuse, racism,
is just be open-minded a little bit. Understand that
not everybody’s going to agree with you. You don’t have
to agree with anybody, you don’t even have to like
anybody, but you know what? There would be so much less
stress in the world and so much less stress in your life
if we accepted everybody.
Craig Garber: I don’t like all my
neighbors, they probably don’t like me, in fact I know
they don’t like me. I don’t sit there and obsess about
it, hey people are different, you know that’s the way it
is, you’re going to disagree with people in your own
household sometimes. Just accept that everybody’s got a
different opinion and that’s okay. You don’t all have
to agree. I you could do those two things, if people
can be open-minded, except that things are different,
not judge them, and then just take some responsibility,
I think you’d eliminate almost all those problems.
Ralph Zuranski: Yeah, I agree,
that’s one of my dreams of the heroes program, once it
starts going to every community that the kids would
realize that, that reading the blogs, from other kids in
other communities that they have an open mind and are
able to allow new information, and accept that and
ponder it, and try to believe that they are good, but
may not have the same perspective on life as they do.
Craig Garber: Yeah, see why is it,
kids are a perfect example. Kids, you tell a kid hey
man would you like to interact with this kid over in
England, or this kid in Japan, or Vietnam, or Denmark
and kids are like yeah, what’s going on, what’s their
world like?
Craig Garber: Why is it that adults
are like, screw that, I just want to stay in my little
corner, or my little block, my neighborhood, or my
street, or myself in my house?
Craig Garber: Kids are definitely
more open and into accepting things, so if we can
implement your program, to the kids, that’s where we’ve
got to get it. You got to get them open, because they
are open minded, they are very open minded, and
wide-eyed with anticipation of what the world has top
give them, and it’s just... Why do people beat kids?
They beat them because they had a rough day, and they
can’t handle it, and they don’t know how to deal with
the energy.
Craig Garber: They’re miserable,
and, “It’s not my fault that it happened”, but it is,
just fix the freaking problem.
Ralph Zuranski: Yep, you know I
really believe that, that’s true. If you had three
wishes in your life that would instantly come true what
would they be?
Craig Garber: Well they would
probably be, number 1 and 2 like you asked me before, is
for people to take responsibility for themselves, love
their fellow man and start accepting people. I think
that immediately people would chill out a lot. I guess
end suffering from poor health -- watching someone
suffering -- that’s got to be brutal, and emotionally
agonizing. Suffering because of poor health is
terrible, it’s brutal. I’ve gone through some of it
myself. That would be my third wish I guess.
Ralph Zuranski: What do you think
about the search for heroes program and what it’s done
for kids, parents and business people?
Craig Garber: Ralph: I think it’s a
great program, any time you raise awareness about
children’s needs for heroes is fantastic. Getting
people talking about those things is great. Like my son
yesterday, he came home from the bus, and he said kids
were arguing about the war, or the presidency, and I
said look, even if you guys disagree, at least you guys
are talking about it, being aware about it.
Craig Garber: Either way if you and
these kids vote at least you’re getting involved in a
positive decision in your life. So, raising awareness
is important. Look, you’re trying to save peoples
lives, especially young people, as I said before you’re
the hero here, not me. You’re the one setting all this
up, and making a positive approach to things. I think
it’s fantastic.
Ralph Zuranski: We’ve got tell kids
that they can change the paradigm that was something
great once. Either they were surged on by adrenaline,
or make that one act, that it’s more of a daily action,
of choosing the way that you’re going to act. As
Gregory Allen Williams said ‘there’s a little bit of
good in the worst of us, and there’s a little bit of bad
in the best of us.’ The hardest thing about that is
finding the equilibrium, I think we all suffer from
that.
Craig Garber: Absolutely,
absolutely.
Ralph Zuranski: What are the things
that parents can do to help their children realize is
that they to can make a positive impact on the lives of
others?
Craig Garber: That’s a really good
question, it’s something I’ve given a tremendous amount
of thought to, because having three kids, and knowing
all the wrong ways to raise kids I had to because I
didn’t want to make those same mistakes with my kids, my
own children.
Craig Garber: I would say that, my
oldest son is fifteen so I would have a bit of
experience about this, so if had to sit and reflect, and
say the most important thing is let your kids be kids.
You only get one childhood, there’s no do-over. Okay,
let them be kids. You ask a six year old, why are you
doing this, I’m six.
Craig Garber: I’ve got a five year
old and a fifteen year old, and one in the middle, so
believe me, I’m much more realistic of that with my five
year old than I was with my fifteen year old, because
you’re older and you’ve made these mistakes, so you
realize these things. Don’t judge them, don’t judge
your kids let them be who they are. Some kids will not
be good students, that’s okay you’ve still got to love
them, that’s just the way they are. They’re not into
school, are they good people that’s what’s important.
Craig Garber: Don’t set expectations
for them either, like I said before, your kids are
separate individuals from you. I coached all my kids,
and my daughter’s five so she’ll be starting to play
sports soon. I coached them in soccer, my wife and I
actually coached, and then I coached one or two years
after that. And then with my middle son in basketball
for years. I see these parents and they live or die
with these kids, about foul shooting. It’s almost like
the kid is definitely more well received when he’s doing
well, than when he’s not.
Craig Garber: The parents hang onto
their kids. I was the oddball, I could care less of
what my kids do. I just wanted them to have fun. They
were playing sports, not for me, I could care less of
how they did. My kids are in karate, and now I know
they’re red belts, but there was a time there when I was
sitting in karate one time and someone asked me what
belt my kids were, and I didn’t know.
Craig Garber: It’s not that I didn’t
care about my kids, it’s just that I didn’t care what
ranking they were. I think one was orange, I didn’t
even know. That’s not why I was there, I was there for
them to have fun, and maybe something good would come
out of it for their lives.
Ralph Zuranski: So you think that
parents are just pushing their kids to hard, and they’re
just forcing them to achieve the level of success that
they never achieved in their lives?
Craig Garber: Yeah, I think they’re
pushing them too hard for the wrong things. These same
people that push their kids hard to score another soccer
goal, or make sure they make 90% of their lay-ups. Then
when the kid’s rude he doesn’t say hey, you know, why
don’t you say thank you or please.
Craig Garber: In the long run,
they’re going to have a lot more easier time getting
along in this world learning how to say thank you and
please than learning how to make foul shots or getting
lay ups in. So, I think they’re looking for things to
put on the wall, and I think the mistake that most
parents make are looking for tangible signs of evidence
of success in your children’s life, I don’t think
tangible signs of evidence measures their success.
Craig Garber: Now, if you have seen
people say ,oh that guy’s lazy, or his kids aren’t
performing well, I have wall-full of stuff, I don’t care
about that stuff though, what means a lot more to me is
that when a parent comes to me down the block and says,
your son Casey is so polite, all the other kids come to
the house, he is such a nice kid, so nice to deal with.
Craig Garber: That to me says that
Anne and I did a pretty good job of what we’re doing
with our kids. It happens with all three of our kids,
and I see how they interact with others, they’re polite,
they say hello, they care about other people, they don’t
step on other people. They care about other kids.
Ralph Zuranski: That’s one of the
reasons why I created the In search of Heroes program,
is because to honor the moms and dads, and the kids that
act that way. I’ve talked a lot with professional
sports stars here in San Diego and some of the stars up
in L.A., I’ve found that their just absolutely the worst
role models possible. You see the kids taking on the
same activities that the sports stars that are on
steroids or have attitudes that are anything but
disproportional for kids.
Craig Garber: Right, because your
kids, you know, you don’t realize the role you play in
their lives, they will imitate everything you do. You
don’t realize this because it’s going on behind the
scenes. The other thing that’s really important is that
you’ve got to give your kids confidence, and the way to
do that is letting them be independent, not doing
everything for them.
Craig Garber: My son’s working, one
of my weekly tips was about the job that I helped him
get, he’s almost fifteen, he’s been working almost a
year. He’s doing real well. I think it’s important,
he’s earning quite a bit, he’s going to get his permit
soon, we’re going to have to deal with that, it’s the
thing to do, I don’t feel safe putting him on the road,
but I do feel safe teaching him how to drive. It’s
better to sit out there with me for a year, so I know
what he’s got, rather than, “Here’s your license.” --
we’re both screwed then.
Craig Garber: I’ve always tried to
be there for them, so we can talk about it, but, now
they’ve got the courage, the more things you do the more
things you think you can do. You just build on that,
you build on it, and build on it.
Craig Garber: All my kids are
extremely independent and I’ve let them fail, as long as
we’re here for them that’s all that matters. It’s
important to know what’s going on in the world, letting
your kids know. Good times, and bad times. My kids
have come to me and said they heard me saying that we
can’t go out to eat tonight or something like that.
They always say if you need any money we’ll give it to
you.
Ralph Zuranski: Thank you for
contributing your time, I know you’re very busy, and
have a tremendous amount of clients that really respect
you and appreciate what you do, once again thank you
very much.
Craig Garber: Ralph:, I appreciate
your time and I appreciate being part of the program,
I’m just looking to contribute and help out and I think
what your doing is a great thing, thanks very much for
including me. Thanks for asking me all these
questions. If I could help you out with anything, don’t
hesitate to let me know.
Ralph Zuranski: Thanks, I’m really
looking forward to looking at your sales letter to
promote the In search of Heroes book, which contains the
best of the best of what I’ve found in marketing,
copywriting, and technology, and just ask for promotion
for the foundation thing that will help every community
to be successful. I’m just thankful to you and for all
the help you offered.
Craig Garber: No problem, take care
Ralph.
