take care,
ralph

Wow Scott! That is a pretty intense experience for someone so young. To see your dad banging his head against the headboard must have been frightening. It had to be a relief to see him finally out of pain but is still does not do much to minimize the incredible sense of loss of your dad.

I am happy to hear your dad is your hero. He is with you and sees your kids and grandkids and family as a living spirit. I believe that our relatives who make it to heaven, and it sounds like he definitely did, are constantly with us in our memories and dreams. They constantly support us in supernatural ways we cannot imagine.

Your mom sounds like a saint. Pancreatic cancer is a tough way to go. I agree that is is such a special experience to be there at your parents last breaths, telling them goodbye. I believe that any child who misses this amazing experiences has not lived life to its fullest and had total closure on their relationship with their parents. It is truly a blessing to be there at the end.

Your mom definitely understood that life is all about what you do in the lives of the people God places in your pathway to help. When you love people, especially your family members, and lay your life down for them, there is no greater joy. As I think about my mom and dad, that is their legacy.
I just pray, I will be able to do as good a job as you are carrying on your parents kind and compassionate legacy.
take care,
ralph

I admire you that you spent those final days with your parents. It does feel good to hold your head high because you took care of parents who took care of you for so much of our lives.

I am working on a video memorial for my mom and dad because their lives were so intertwined. After 60 years of marriage it is no wonder my dad survived a little over a year without my mom. There is something mystical about the husband and wife union that lasts for so long, a rarity in the world today.

Now that they are gone, the freedom to do whatever I want is a little daunting. How do you restructure your life when previously there was no freedom, only service 24-7. It is like a new lease on life but there is the emotional void you describe.

After so many years, I know there is nothing that can fill that gaping hole in my life. There is no one that can give you the total acceptance and support like a parent. I guess I will have to wait and see what God wants me to do next. I do feel motivated to share what I learned over the last 4 years with others in my generation who could definitely benefit from my mistakes and the things I learned.

If everything is set up in advance correctly, life can be more enjoyable and less stressful when taking care of dying parents. You just don't know how long they will last...one day or ten years. It is tough putting your life on hold for so long with the massive wave of uncertainty, the ups and downs, the life and death decisions. What a roller coaster ride is has been. I guess I am a better person from having experienced the extremes of existence for so long.

take care,
ralph

The biggest changes I would make would be in the financial arena. Even though my parents thought they were prepared for the end of their days, they were woefully uneducated and unprepared in the areas of home and death care. After hundreds of hours of research, I discovered the optimal way that my parents should have structured their finances.

I need to get permission from the Economic Alliance of Associations to share some of their valuable information on how to be financially free and invest in all the different insurances that would have made the last 4 years much more enjoyable.

take care,
ralph

The hospice workers told me this is common for couples who have been married for a long time. My mom and dad were married for over 60 years. I guess my dad missed my mom too much he was ready to go. He proved he was tough and could last one year without her, but he was too lonely without her in his life. I feel my mom came to collect him on the anniversary of her death.

When the stroke occurred, my dad went brain dead instantly. I appreciate so many people praying for my dad and family. The people on the Warrior Forum were particularly kind and compassionate.

The hospice workers and nurses who spent the last six days of my dad's life, taking care of him 24-7, while his body shell shut down with out food or water, were unbelievably kind and compassionate. Even they were amazed at the degree of peace and tranquility my dad showed in his final days. They said there had never seen some one last so long with such an amazing demeanor. Truly, he already had one foot in heaven.

The good thing about my mom and dad dying is that so many people shared their last moments with their parents and loved ones. There are so many saints I have met who shared their extraordinary sacrifices to care for their parents and loved ones to the end.

My mom and dad's deaths were a blessing and a great relief. I had followed through on my promise to make it possible for my mom and dad to die in their own home with me holding their hands, saying goodbye and asking them to put in a good word to Jesus for me.

Now that they are gone, I am going to help other babyboomers with the knowledge I have gained through 4 difficult years. If only I knew at the beginning or the ordeal that I know now. Since I put the In Search Of Heroes Program on hold for 4 years to take care of my mom and dad, it is now time to share the wisdom I have gained that will save other babyboomers much of the emotional pain I experienced and financial mistakes I have made.

Mom and dad, I love and miss you. You were my greatest heroes and inspired my In Search Of Heroes Program. Thanks for sacrificing your lives for me.

The hospice workers told me this is common for couples who have been married for a long time. My mom and dad were married for over 60 years. I guess my dad missed my mom too much he was ready to go. He proved he was tough and could last one year without her, but he was too lonely without her in his life. I feel my mom came to collect him on the anniversary of her death.

When the stroke occurred, my dad went brain dead instantly. I appreciate so many people praying for my dad and family. The people on the Warrior Forum were particularly kind and compassionate.

The hospice workers and nurses who spent the last six days of my dad's life, taking care of him 24-7, while his body shell shut down with out food or water, were unbelievably kind and compassionate. Even they were amazed at the degree of peace and tranquility my dad showed in his final days. They said there had never seen some one last so long with such an amazing demeanor. Truly, he already had one foot in heaven.

The good thing about my mom and dad dying is that so many people shared their last moments with their parents and loved ones. There are so many saints I have met who shared their extraordinary sacrifices to care for their parents and loved ones to the end.

My mom and dad's deaths were a blessing and a great relief. I had followed through on my promise to make it possible for my mom and dad to die in their own home with me holding their hands, saying goodbye and asking them to put in a good word to Jesus for me.

Now that they are gone, I am going to help other babyboomers with the knowledge I have gained through 4 difficult years. If only I knew at the beginning of the ordeal that I know now. Since I put the In Search Of Heroes Program on hold for 4 years to take care of my mom and dad, it is now time to share the wisdom I have gained that will save other babyboomers much of the emotional pain I experienced and financial mistakes I made.

Mom and dad, I love and miss you. You were my greatest heroes and inspired my In Search Of Heroes Program. Thanks for sacrificing your lives for me.

They were both foreigners from Europe, came over here and have made their lives very successful and I think that everybody is a hero to somebody and in their own way.

I’m very fortunate, because pretty much all the people that I surround myself with, I look up to and they’ve just done phenomenal things so it would be hard to pinpoint one or two people. I’m really, really fortunate in that everybody’s out with the same goals and the same level of integrity and just trying to help other people and just good hearts.

Kevin Hurley: My mother would definitely be one. Here’s a lady that’s lived in the same community her whole life and just really believes in the system, really believes in America, really believes in the community and doesn’t want anything other than her health to get up and go to work. She works for a bank downtown. She’s there every day. That would be a hero.

Let’s see, David Copperfield, who is a famous illusionist, is a hero of mine because he’s pushed the envelope harder than anybody. This guy has been in show business for 25 years. He still does 500 shows a year. So what does that say to me? That says it’s not all about the money. It’s about love and passion and making people happy.

I’ve received a lot of help on the way up from people like Zig Ziggler and Tony Robbins.

I guess I am going through the same thing so many of you have described as the ups and downs of losing one or both parents. My emotional and physical biorhythms are in the tank, totally in the energy recuperation phase. I know I will feel better when the emotional bottoms out on Monday. It is good to know this is just a part of the natural cycles of life...the ups and downs.

I am just thankful I am not on any mood elevating drugs that alter the natural cycles of emotional and physical fluctuations...the true human experience. If we did not have highs, how could we identify the lows.

Life would be a totally boring state of non-existence, numbed to the experiences that bring the extremes of emotions. I for one am thankful for the roller coaster ride. It brings spice and excitement to life and helps me deal with the thoughts of suicide at this difficult time.

take care,
ralph

I think it takes a lot of courage to share it with the world. So, those would be the heroes for me.

Frank Garon: I guess honestly the other two people that have been in my life that I would consider heroes are two kids I went to school with. One kid Algal Shaskee sat in front of me in home room all the way up until he either died in Junior High or High School and I can't remember now.

He went through cancer and chemo and being different from all the other kids, being sick and missing classes, while he should have been listening to Van Halen’s first album and playing hockey, this probably was about 1980 or so.

While he should have been doing that and celebrating life, he was facing death, and he did it with dignity, and courage, and helping other people understand what it was that he was going through. He taught me how to be happy even when things were absolutely without fail going to go bad.

There is no getting out of this. You're sunk, and yet you can still be happy. You can still laugh, still have some sort of spirit and zest for life inside your heart. The same thing with my friend Stu. When they closed my school in fourth grade and shipped us across town to the other school in fifth grade, Stu was the kid that welcomed us and made us – we were the Hill Toppers and they were sort of like the Kennedy Park kids.

Those were the different neighborhoods. He was the one kid out of the class of thirty that made the ten of us that were transferred feel welcome. He was very friendly, very good kid. His mom and my mom were the class moms in fifth grade and all.

Then, later in life, he got either meningitis or encephalitis. I forgot which one it was but they had to do brain surgery. They took the top of his skull off to work on him and relieve pressure and everything else.

He was never right after that and most people disowned him because he had a head injury, short to anger, didn’t always make good judgments, and didn’t take care of himself.

Deep down he was the same kid. He also taught me courage and dignity because he kept on going. He forged new friendships. He had dreams and interests and plans for life even though, unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way and he died in his early twenties.

He taught me kindness, and courage, and the simple fact of treating people right was the correct thing to do. So my grandma and those two school kids taught me more about life than probably most everybody else ever has.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Cancer is a horrible way to go. The deterioration process is agonizing. Breathing problems are truly hideous. Not being able to catch your breath robs you of all energy. I just plain sucks.

Watching someone suffer that you love is a difficult experience. I did with my mom for three years and dad for four. Sometimes, it is so hard to make a life giving decision in the emergency ward when withholding even a minimal amount of care would end their suffering.

I too believe that life and the soul, is eternal (regardless of what religion or spiritual practice a person may or may not embrace.) Energy can be converted, transformed, but never destroyed, and I believe this is just as true in the spiritual world as it is in physics. I agree after having been a pioneer in energetic medicine for 25 years in the alternative medicine field. No one could explain where atoms and electrons ended and energy waves began.

I will also choose to focus on what I loved about my Dad and Mom.

I appreciate your dad's service in WWII. Both my mom and dad were in the Air Force...my mom a nurse and my dad a bombardier in a B-26. He actually survived the crash of his plane coming back from a mission over Germany. French farmers found him 500 yards away from the plane in some bushes with a horribly broken leg and hip. It took 1 year to heal. It was a miracle he survived.

That is awesome your dad was such a great musician. My dad was a master or growing orchids. He and my mom both loved plants. They had the true green thumbs. Unfortunately, my thumb is black because with all the stress and time constraints, I failed to water their beloved plants...they all died.

You thoughts about birth are very profound. I can just imagine what I was thinking when I was expelled out of the womb back in 1949 three months premature. It is a miracle I survived the chicken incubators they housed me in for many months.

Your thoughts on death are also very comforting. Thousands of people on the internet were praying for my dad and family. Even the hospice nurses said they had never seen someone so at peace survive for 7 days without food or water.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and condolences. I appreciate them greatly. What you had to say makes me feel much better.

take care,
ralph

It is replies like yours that give me the strength to carry on and deal with my grief and loneliness. Your story about your dad brought tears to my eyes as I remember the Air Force honor guard folding the American flag on my dad's coffin and presenting it to me with a salute and a statement of appreciation for both my mom and dad's service during World War II.

As the soldier played taps on her bugle, my tears rained down on the flag that symbolizes all that is good in this country and the incredible sacrifices our parents made in World War II and the Korean War. I remember the difficult times and amazing sacrifices my generation made in Vietnam and Cambodia.

There are so many of our young heroes that fought in the Gulf War and are now giving their lives in Afghanistan and Iraq and trying to recover from grievous injures my heart aches for their sacrifice and that of their families.

Things seem so screwed up in the world today is makes me sick to my stomach. Now that my mom and dad are gone, it is time for us Babyboomers to make a positive difference in the world today, especially in the lives of our kids and grandkids who have come home to rebuild their lives.

I feel this is my new mission in life, to find more Babyboomer heroes who are ready, willing and able to come to the aid of those who are suffering the loss of parents, kids and grandkids through war and disease and drug addiction. As my alter-ego hero Captain Biorhythm, who has supported, inspired and sustained me through the agony of the last four years, would say, "Rise up heroes and heroines, the world needs you now!"

take care,
ralph

I truly believe the most valuable thing in the universe is the relationships you have with those who are near and dear to you. You never know when the "grim reaper" or the cruel "hand of fate" will alter your life and those of your loved ones in a matter of seconds. The thing that really comes to mind is the need to cherish each moment with our family and friends...it may be our last.

Take care,
Ralph

I am just so grateful to all the people who were willing to do heroes interviews over the last 16 years. Little did I realize that their words of wisdom would be such a comfort in these difficult times. My heart goes out to all the other Babyboomers who have been through what I have been, going through it now or will be going through a similar experience in the near future.

I think, as therapy to deal with my grief, I will make a farewell video similar to the one I created for famous copywriter Gary Halbert and my dad's brother who was a Medal Of Honor recipient for his brave actions during the Battle of the Bulge in World War Two.

It is so weird to be able to find so few photos of my dad. He was always the photographer and rarely appeared in any photos. I guess, following in his shoes as a photographer, I will experience the same fate, but it is a glorious one...lifting up others through photos to help them remember the wonderful times of life and the special love and friendships memorialized only the way photos can.

take care,
ralph

This is such a profound statement by the wife of George Washington. If you have studied the history of the United States Martha was the ultimate supportive wife. They went through events that were tragic as well as miraculous.

Since my dad died on Thursday, I realize there are so many other people who are suffering. When I focus on others problems and difficulties, my emotional pain disappears. When I stop being so totally self-centered and become grateful for all the good things in my life and the beauty of the world around me, I can rejoice at them and my dad's death. He is in a much better place without diapers, a catheter and paralyzed left side.

When our loved ones die, it is so hard to not think of our own loss and how important the person was in our lives in a selfish way. I guess that is one of the good things about the death of a loved one. It forces us to evaluate our lives and attitudes in an entirely new say.

Change is always painful, but is there any other way to grow?